Authentic, Special Exits

While I fully understand this is not a blog assignment about whether or not we “liked” something or not, I have to say that Special Exits is my favorite thus far. To me, it seemed the most authentic and able to capture the realities of a situation like caring for elderly parents/grandparents. I absolutely felt it truly embodied the experience. Although it may have been a personal memoir (of Joyce Farmer perhaps), the situation is universal enough to touch so many people. Anyone who has cared for older family members or loved ones I am sure could, to some extent relate to this memoir. Joyce Farmer does a wonderful job with, as I like to say, “keeping it real”.

So just a little background, my husband had to wait for a friend of mine to come to the UC Berkeley library to check out Special Exits for me. While he waited, he decided to read it. He had no idea what it was about of course, but as he read it, he said he had to pull back a few times, was moved to tears, and just related to it 100%. He has had to care for his grandparents and his father in their old age. All three have since passed but he had been so moved by this text. There are many moments he could relate to and it reminded him, on many occasions, of the painful times he experienced with his ailing, aging and sometimes stubborn family members. Little did my husband know that when he married me, he would again have to care for another ailing family member. I now live with my own father. Though he is not in a stage as severe as Lars and Rachel, there is however, a sense that we are “looking after” him. He is 77.

Given that background knowledge, you can probably guess why this memoir is one of my favorites so far. I could relate to it, much like I did with Mother’s Urn, on so many levels. More so than anything, these two graphic “memoirs” seem to articulate a pain through various mediums that I never have considered. Yes, I have shared my painful life experiences through poetry, prose, etc. but never have I thought to share them in combination with illustration (or simply in the graphic novel format). So this alone has been an amazing, eye-opening experience for me. Perhaps I shall create a graphic memoir!

Let me start first with some things I didn’t feel contributed to the “well-being” of the text. In other words, I felt stifled by these things when deriving meaning for the memoir. I think that, although Joyce Farmer is a cartoonist, some of her illustrations bothered me. For the most part her illustrations conveyed what can be assumed to be the appropriate sentiment or feeling but there are times when I felt confused by her illustrations. For example, on page 55, the very top panel to the left, Laura’s face looks like she is “pissed off” or even offended at the fact that her father would offer her money for coming to visit, yet in the very next panels she is hugging him for it. I wondered which is it? Or is it simply a misrepresentation of facial expression? On page 54, in what would be the 6^th panel, what is Laura’s facial expressions trying to convey here? Again, on page 71 I am a bit confused about what the facial expressions of Laura are trying to convey. In the 5^th panel she looks like she is again, “pissed off”. Ready to yell at her step mother or just angry with her. It doesn’t help that her stepmother is beneath her and looks like she’s cowering. Yet, in the next 3 panels we find out that that is in fact not the case, but I moment of bonding and filled with empathy. I am not sure as to why she chose to use such harsh facial expressions. I know that what is trying to be conveyed here is the anger at the situation but in fact, it made me feel confused as to whether Laura was upset at her stepmother for being upset about the fact that her father left her dead mother’s clothes in the closet, or whether she was appalled with her father for making Rachel go through that. Upon first glance, I thought it was the former.

As I have previously stated, I felt the memoir, as a whole was extremely authentic. Farmer does this very wisely through the situations she chooses to cover throughout Special Exits. I felt that there was meaning, a plot line, a point. In many ways I felt like it was in stark contrast to something like say, Lucky. Perhaps it is so embedded in my brain to enjoy reading that follows this more traditional path, but it just flows for me. I want meaning, I want a point, otherwise I feel like it’s a waste of time and this memoir was certainly no waste of time. Everything from the slow deterioration of her (step)parents, to the experience with the rest home, to the ever increasing visits, to the parents feelings about what to say and not tell Laura, to the refusing to move or see doctors, all of this just felt so real to me. Perhaps because my husband and I have both experienced it. I could see parts of my father and my father-in-law, very much so. It is of course painful, but a narrative that must be spoken, especially because of the kind of United States we live in today.

A situation in the memoir that I felt was best played out through illustration is that of when Laura has to bathe/wash her stepmother. At the beginning, there is some form of modest present. The viewers and perhaps even Laura can see parts of Rachel such as her back, legs, etc. Yet, as time progresses, and as Rachel’s mind seems to be less and less self aware, we begin to see how this modesty flies out the window. We begin to see parts of Rachel’s breast and eventually, in the most poignant and telling moment, on page 132, we see how dire the situation has gotten. On panel 4 Rachel is holding up her breast, with an awkward smile on her face. It is clear that her once sharp mind has become a thing of the past. She is almost lucid, brought to a child-like state and this of course, is the last scene we see of Rachel before she goes to the doctor and moves to the rest home.

Overall, and I am sure that others would disagree, but I feel that Joyce Farmer captures this stage of life so beautifully throughout this memoir. Each panel, each chapter, each situation adds to the meaning of the story, the building of the plot line, the loving of the characters. For the most part her illustrations work to build that meaning without traditional words, as found in a traditional memoir. Her portrayal of both her own and her parents emotion, anxiety, guilt, love, respect, peace, sharing of history, life experience are done so honestly and from what I can tell without censoring (and I suppose that does sometimes include racism) but it was nonetheless authentic to herself and to her late parents. Bravo!