Maybe it was
Bechdel’s illustration style with the very heavy, angular faces and
expressions, but her characters seemed dynamic in a way that Bell’s didn’t (or
at least, in a different way). When the narration launches into moments way
back in her childhood, it really seems
like another time, and not just because Bechdel is a little kid. Her
descriptions of the things she notices about her father are part of what help
to create the dynamism in her characters. On pg. 95, for example, she is a very
little kid watching a country western on T.V. while her dad is in the back of
the frame arranging flowers. In frames like this one, words aren’t even needed
to understand what is going through her thoughts. A little girl probably would
not be able to put her finger on the fact that her father is gay, which of
course Bechdel doesn’t do either. But the opposition between the depiction of
men on the television screen and what her father is doing in the next room
makes it clear that even as a little kid she picked up on something, “sensed a
chink in my family’s armor.” Bechdel takes the time to characterize her father
as she saw him over the course of her entire growing up. The things the little
girl in front of the television noticed and felt do not change but develop into
a more concrete understanding. When she goes to New York at fifteen, her father
is placed directly into an environment that makes a lot of sense, and not just
for him. On pg. 95, in the bottom left frame, they are all seeing a ballet. But
the expressions on their two faces (Bechdel and her father) are riveted while
her brothers look distracted. In this moment it seems that the perceptions
she’s been forming about her father are sinking in on a more personal level. Bechdel’s
father is so interesting because of the way she uses what she understands about
him to gradually define her own sexuality. Their interactions often consist of
one making up for something the other lacks. The barrette argument on pg. 96 is
a comical instance, but it illustrates their differences in a way that makes
them really come across as similarities. Neither fits the mould they are
“supposed” to, each doing what the other supposedly should be: she’s playing
basketball while he’s putting her hair in barrettes. What would the father’s
life have been like if he had had only sons, and had not had that sort of
relationship? If her father had not been gay, how different would her own story
have been? In the end, as she makes her final reflections, there is a very
powerful image of her father giving her a piggyback in the pool. The heading
says, “Perhaps my eagerness to claim him as ‘gay’…is just a way of keeping him
to myself…” There was and still is something special between them. What they
had in common was their secret, and in many ways that connection doesn’t end
with his death. Instead, it seems that a good number of her reflections about who
he was happen after he dies; his presence doesn’t diminish even when he’s
physically not on the page. Bechdel’s mother never appears to have much in
common with anyone, especially not with her daughter. Her devotion to her
activities- her thesis, her acting, the housekeeping duties- seemed like a way
to distract from the loneliness of being married to someone who can’t be there
completely. But there was a sense of loneliness throughout the whole family
that didn’t just apply to her mother. In the frame that has each member of the
family secluded in their own rooms, isolated from everyone else, it looks like
nobody is particularly happy. If her father had something to do with the
formation of her own identity, he certainly had a lot to do with the uneasiness
that is felt in the parts that depict Bechdel’s early family. But just like
Sandell’s story, Bechdel’s relationship with her father is powerful, with a lot of grey areas.
I am curious about the question you pose, "if her father had not been gay, how different would her own story have been?" I agree that Bechdel investigates her father as a means to explore her own identity. It is as though through unveiling her father she unveils aspects of herself.
ReplyDeleteThe hypotheticals are a way of stretching the investigation Lucy, but there's a lot in here that isn't really explored all the way. ONe of the moments where they overlap, in addition to what you point out, is when she is taking the english courses her freshman year and he'l like all over her. She withdraws, but doesn't make as big a deal out of it as she does other things.
ReplyDeleteYou're right--lots of grey areas
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